The Stories We Tell Ourselves

I like to call myself the Chief Joy Seeker (rather than the CEO) of aMYLK because it reminds me of my true purpose in this life. While I love making and selling my healing mylks, I believe that my purpose is to learn, grow and evolve and to share my journey with you so that I might inspire you to do the same.  

We as a culture, as a global society are being asked now more than ever, to let go of what is not serving us individually and to raise our vibration as a collective so that we can usher in a new world. If we continue to hold onto the stories of our past, we will not be able to create a new and kinder reality for ourselves and our descendants.  We have inherited and co-created a world that is suffering. Those of us who are here today are here to heal and to evolve. If we fail, I shudder to think of the consequences. There is a lot riding on you and me, fellow Joy Seeker. 

I actually have quite a compelling collection of personal stories. They are stories of wonder, overcoming challenges, persisting against all odds, resiliency, long walks through dark nights and rising after repeatedly falling. I have been relentless in my pursuit of Joy, but with that has come a lot of pain as I have often lost my way. 

If you ask me about myself, I could tell you my stories. They may be mine, but they are not stories that I like to identify with anymore. Why? When I fall into my own stories, I often believe them.  Identifying with my stories always pulls me out of the present and into the past where I become either a victim or a hero. I feel compelled to exaggerate my wins, blame (myself and others) and sometimes even pity myself. 

Here is one of my stories…I was blessed with a blissful childhood, with loving and supportive parents and the incredible privilege of an education and access to sports and all the training and gear required to play at the highest level. I ended up playing soccer for a top five team and was ranked number one (goalkeeper) in the country in goals against average. We were Big East champions and NCAA championship contenders every year, including making it to the Final Four. Did I start every game? No. In fact, I was benched several times, but that's another story. (My ego simultaneously loves and hates that story.)

After college and my soccer career ended, I married young and was blessed with 4 beautiful children. Unfortunately the marriage was not healthy. From the outside we looked perfect. We were young and enviable. My husband was handsome, we had beautiful clothes, a beautiful home, a fancy car and kids in a bilingual private school, but no one knew, not even my family, the pain I was experiencing inside or how isolated I felt in this mirage of happiness. I suffered terribly.  

I found myself suffering from a subdermal itch that bruised my legs from top to bottom. I literally could not scratch away the pain. All of my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out. I had eczema and even gout at one point. I developed autoimmune issues - could it be the Epstein Barr virus rearing its ugly head as the Medical Medium explained? I saw Dermatologists, had allergy testing, did elimination dieting, went to see psychologists. No doctors could diagnose what was wrong with me, but I am betting you know. 

I was suffering on the inside from extreme stress. My husband and I were under tremendous pressure to earn in order to keep up the façade of our fancy, perfect life. This story of perfection that I was trying to tell the world was false. 

My internal suffering was so deep that it manifested on the outside. I was not living my Truth, I had depleted my body, I was identifying with a victim story and I thought I had to be perfect. I decided to leave my marriage because staying committed to pain and stuck in a fear based story of trauma does not serve Love, it perpetuates further suffering. I did not want my children to grow up thinking that this was what Love looked like. I assure you, this has not been the easy path.  

Then there is the story of my Phoenix rising from the ashes.  How creating aMYLK and committing my life to the pursuit of Joy and Love has healed my gut and soothed my soul. That is a wonderful story. It's still just a story.  I can no more hold onto that than I can hold onto the story of my pain and how difficult it has been to raise four children by myself. (I get to be both a hero and a victim when I tell that story. It is all a matter of perspective.) 

I sometimes observe myself like an outsider and I look at all of these stories that I tell and have told and I just want to hold her.  

I love that I once wrote in my journal, “who might I become if I let go of the stories? What can I let go of? If I let the dead leaves drop?  I feel the buds within me and I feel covered in dry parched and withering leaves. Let them drop. Let the inner sap of my true being feed my budding dreams and heart."

The truth is, I am not a story. I am not a hero. I am not a victim.  I am the being underneath the story. I am the creator and I can create any reality that I want. I do not need to be stuck in a pain story, or a fear story or even a hero story. In fact, the world is counting on me to vibrate much, much higher than that. 

I am Love. That is the truth of who I am. It is the truth of who you are, too.  

We do not need our old stories anymore. They do not serve us and they do not serve the world. Let the dead leaves drop. 

Sweep the house clean,
hang fresh curtains
in the windows
put on a new dress
and come with me!
The elm is scattering
its little loaves
of sweet smells
from a white sky!

Who shall hear of us
in the time to come?
Let him say there was
a burst of fragrance
from black branches. 

 -Love Song by William Carlos Williams

 

With All My Love, 

Amy

Owner & Chief Joy Seeker at aMYLK

 


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